SYDNEY – After a planning meeting where all the directors flew into town an office-wide Slack message was sent at 2:32pm that read ‘Leftover sandwiches in kitchen. Help yourself’.
That’s when it started.
Some workers were at their desks deeply involved in spreadsheets, with just a few people quickly getting up and taking long strides towards the kitchen, acting inconspicuously. That behaviour was picked up on by their colleagues and it sent a panic through the office. ‘I was just adding data to this pivot table when people around me started rushing. That’s when I knew there must have been food left over from the exec meeting’, said a person that didn’t wish to be named. ‘It started with a few people power walking towards the direction of the kitchen, then some started to lightly jog. Before I knew it a lot of them were running and knocking everything down in their path’.
The items that were first to go were the peri-peri chicken wraps, followed by the roast beef and horseradish sandwiches cut into little triangles. There was a danish that was cut in half that also didn’t last long and even the ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches were no match for the heaving mass of ravenous staff, even though the bread had turned soggy from the tomato.
Reports indicate that four people were seriously injured and needed medical attention, with others sustaining light bruising mostly from being elbowed out of the way.
It was noted that the vegan tofu wraps remained untouched.